Durga Puja Sms
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Bisorjon mane abar asbe phire,
Khusi thakuk sarboda tomay ghire.
Dasamir atmiota,ektu mistimukh.
Bondhoner eito boro sukh.
Baje dhol baje dhak,
Sune sobar lage taak. Bisorjone sobai jabe,
Hasi kanna dui pabe.
Sukh dukho mile mise subho bijoya janai sese.
Pujo sesh oli goli,
ma bole choli choli.
Bhasan hobe fatafati,
bijoya sarar hutopati.
Eta mar natun dhara,
sms-e Bijoya sara.
Under Construction...
Eid Mubarak SMS
Sunday, January 09, 2011
☻ EID MUBARAK ho Aapko,(In Urdu)EID MUBARAK ho Aapko,
Dher sari tarif aur khusiya mile aapko,
But, Jab EIDI mile aapko to Please....
Aap Yaad karna Sirf Humko!!!
☻ Subeh Subeh uthke ho jawo Fresh,(In Urdu)
Subeh Subeh uth ke ho jawo Fresh,
Pehenlo aj sobse aacha sa koi Dress,
Doston ka sath aab chalo Ghumne,
Eid Mubarak Karo sabko jo aaye Samne.
Tumko bhi EID MUBARAK
☻ Sada haste raho jaise haste hain phool, (In Urdu)
Sada haste raho jaise haste hain phool,
Duniya ki sare gham tumeh jaye bhool,
Charo taraf phalao khushion ka geet,
Eisi ummid ka sath Yaar tumhe...MUBARAK ho EID.
☻ Do you know the Meaning of EID?Do you know the Meaning of EID?
I think it means "ENJOY in DUNIYA!!"
So, In your life all moments bring EID for you....
Wish You...EID MUBARAK.
☻ Sunhari Dhup Barsat ke Bad,(In Urdu)
Sunhari Dhup Barsat ke Bad, thodi Si Hushi Har Bat ke Bad, Usi Tarah Ho Mubarak App Ko Ye Nayi Subah Kal rat Ke Bad Happy Eidday.
☻ AaPi sHakO tO AapNi doStI mAgU (In Urdu)AaPi sHakO tO AapNi doStI mAgU ChU,DiL tHi DiL nO sHAkaR MaGu cHu,fiKaR na KaRo DoSti per JaAn luTaVi dAiS,EID no vYaVhaR cHe kYa,EIDEE maNgu cHu, WISHING A VERY HAPPY EID MUBARAK
☻ SuHari dHUP BaRsat k bAAd, (In Urdu)SuHari dHUP BaRsat k bAAd, tHori Si hAsi haR bAaT k BaAt, uSi taRHa hO mUBArak yE Eid raAmDaN k BaaD, wiSHIng yOu a VEry spEcIaL
.*.*haPPY eID mUBArak.*.*.*
☻ May Allah bless you on this auspicious
May Allah bless you on this auspicious day of Eid, and May it be a new beginning of greater prosperity, success and happiness. Wish you a Happy Eid Mubarok.
☻ Missing you alot on this EidMissing you a lot on this Eid. Wishing you were here to celebrate this holy occasion with me .Happpppy Eid Mubarok.
☻ Aaj Khuda ki hum par ho Meharbani, In UrduAaj Khuda ki hum par ho Meharbani,
Karde maf hum logo ki sare Naformani,
Eid Ka din aj aao milka kare yahi wada,
Khuda ka hi raho mai hum chalange sada.
Sare Musalman ko EID MUBARAK.
☻ May this...Eid bring Fun (In Urdu)
May this...
Eid bring Fun, Eid bring Happiness,
Eid bring God Endless Blessings,
Eid bring fresh love...
EID MUBARAK to You with all best wishes.
☻ Aaj se Aamire Garibi ka fasle na rahe, (In Urdu)
Aaj se Aamire Garibi ka fasle na rahe,
Har Insan ek duje ko aapna bhai kahe,
Aj sob kuch bhool ka aa gale lag ja,
Mubarak ho tuje yeh EID-UL-AZHA.
☻ Hope Love and LaugherHope Love and Laugher, warmth, wishes, joy and a bouquet of Eid wishes, jubilations, become a part of your Eid and Your Life. Have a Happy Eid Mubarak.
☻ Many are the wishes that are being sentMany are the wishes that are being sent your way, but the is a special one for a very happy Eid Day.
☻ Scented Eid WishesWishing you smiles and all things nice. May this Eid bring all the comforts, you have ever wanted, and all the joy and laugher you have ever wished.
☻ Eid leka aate hai dher sare khusiya
Eid leka aate hai dher sare khusiya,
Eid mita deta hai insan mai duriya,
Eid hai khuda ka ek nayam tabarok
Eisi liye kahte hai sab EID MUBARAK.
☻ No shadows to depress uNo shadows to depress u, Only joys to surround u, God himself to bless u, these r my wishes for u, Today, tomorrow, and every day. Eid Mubarok.
☻ Wishing u happy EidWishing u happy Eid, soft as silk, white as milk, sweet as honey, full of money and bubli as u.
☻ Eid Ul Adha is Eid of sacrificeEid ul adha is eid of sacrifice, and commitment to Allahs orders,May Allah bless us with the same in all circles of life,and help all amongst us, who r helpless,worried, and waiting for his rehmat, Ameen.Eid Mubarak.
☻ Jub tuk yah zamin rahe asman rahe(In Urdu)
Jub tuk yah zamin rahe asman rahe hushian tuje naseeb hon, tu jahan rahe sajti rahe unhi teri phulon ki anjuman, chamne bahar teri Be hazan rahe, Eid Mubarik.
☻ Jub kabi app per hushion ki bersat ho(In Urdu)
Jub kabi bin mange app per khushion ki bersaat ho, jub kabi app ka dil anjaani khushi se betaab ho, to samaj lena koi aap ko duaon main yaad ker raha hai. Happy Eid Day.
☻ May Allah this occasionMay Allah this occasion flood your life with happiness,ur heart with love,ur soul with spirtual, ur mind with wisdom,wishing u a very Happy Eid Mubarok.
☻ Phoolon ki har khili khushboo(In Urdu)
Salammmmmzzzzzz!!!Phoolon ki har khili khushboo dey aap ko..........Suraj ki har kiran roshni dey aap ko..........Hum tou kuch deny kay qabil nahi..........Deny wala her khushi dey aap ko(AAMIN)EID MUBARAKKK 2 my Cuty Jani :-)
☻ Hum app ki yaad main udas hainHum app ki yaad main udas hain, Bas app say milnay ki ass hay, Chahay dost kitnay hi kion na hoon, Maray liye tu app hi sab se khas hain...Eid Mubarak To My Cute, Sweet and Special Friend...
☻ A friend is sweet when its newA friend is sweet when its newbut it iz sweeter when its true ,but u know what,its sweetest when its u,,,eid mubarak from the core n kernel of my heart.
☻ SendinG U WarM WisheSSendinG U WarM WisheS ON "EID-UL-ZUHA AnD WishinG THAT, IT BringS Your WeY EveR JOYS AND Happiness .Remember me in ur prayers.
☻ As Allah waters HIS Creation
As Allah waters HIS Creation, May HE also sprinkle HIS wonderous blessings over you and your beloved ones.(Aameen).**EID MUBARAK**
☻ Kash hum ek SMS hoty basKash hum ek SMS hoty bas aik click mey aap ky paas hoty mana k aap hamy delete kar letay laikin kuch dair k liye tou hum aap ky paas hoty or bari khushi say kehtay EID MUBARAK>>>>>>>>
☻ I WISH A WISH 4 UI WISH A WISH 4 U;;;ITS A WISH I WISH 4 FEW;;;DA WISH I WISH 4 U IZ DAT ALL UR WISHES COME TRUE..........WISH U HAPPY EID DAY
☻ Eid is Meaning of LoveEid is Meaning of Love. I Wish it just for U....Ur Vision is my Eid So....Eid Mubarak.
☻ May Allah bring you joy, happiness
May Allah bring you joy, happiness, peace and prosperity on this blessed occasion. Wishing you and your family on this happy occasion of Eid! Eid Mubarak!
☻ My Blessing, Congratulations and Good wishesMy Blessing, Congratulations and Good wishes. I wish you the best of everything for not only in EID-UL-AZHA but also all the years ahead.*EID MUBARAK*
☻ May God send his Love like SunshineMay God send his Love like Sunshine in his warm and gentle ways to fill every corner of your Heart and filled your Life with a lot of Happiness like this EID DAY. Wishing you EID MUBARAK.
☻ Lonesome Without ULonesome Without U, Each & Every Moments. When I Am Alone I Close My Eyes N Think Of U N Thoughts Of Ur Love Warms Me Inside N Makes Me Smile. Miss U A Lot. Eid Mubarak.
☻ Wishing you all the very best
Wishing you all the very best.By the grace of Allah, let there be peace everywhere. Eid Mubarak to all of you.
☻ May the magic of dis EID bring lots
May the magic of dis EID bring lots of happiness in ur life & may u celebrate it wid all ur close friendzzzzzz & may it fill ur HEART wid wonders*****(AAMIN)*****EID MUBARAKKKKKKKK*****
☻ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 after 24 hours everyone will wish u but I M THE FIRST 2 WISH U EID MUBARAK..
☻ Wishing U a Very Very "HAPPY EID MUBARAK"Wishing U a Very Very "HAPPY EID MUBARAK"Wid Luv And Best Wishes.. May That Eid Day Brings LOT of HAppiness And JOYS in ur LIFE. May u Live Long LIFE... And That EID day Will comes in UR life Hundrad Times...Remember me in ur prayers.
☻ May the angels protect u
May the angels protect u...may the sadness forget u,...may goodness surround u and may Allah always bless u.,,,,,,Eid Mubarak!!!!
☻ I wish you ALL a very happyI wish you ALL a very happy and peaceful Eid. May Allah accept your good deeds, forgive your transgressions and ease the suffering of all peoples around the globe.Eid Mubarak
☻ May the blessings of Allah fill your lifeMay the blessings of Allah fill your life with happiness and open all the doors of success now and always. Eid Mubarak.
☻ `*.¸.*´ wish u!!!♥ ¸.•´¸.•*¨) Eid Mubarak¸.•*¨) (¸.•´: (¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸ ‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡ ¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯) > >
>---==>>>>--->EID MUBARAK:-------<<<<==------ < < (_¸.•'´(_¸.•'´ ‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡ `'•.¸_)`'•.¸_) > >
Insulting SMS
Sunday, January 09, 2011
☻ I think the sun shines out of your are.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
☻ Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
☻ Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
☻ Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing.
☻ Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own.
☻ He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.
☻ I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
☻ Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop.
☻ Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo.
☻ If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat.
☻ If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in.
☻ Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
☻ Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
☻ Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut.
☻ Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going.
☻ Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails.
☻ Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
☻ Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?
☻ I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.
☻ You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...
☻ Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
☻ Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
☻ Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
☻ Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.
☻ You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder.
☻ All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo..
☻ I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.
☻ You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
☻ He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe.
☻ Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
☻ If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!
☻ You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
☻ You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!
☻ I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
☻ Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
☻ Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
☻ Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
☻ I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.
☻ Well, they do say opposites attack...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
☻ I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
☻ Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
☻ You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!
☻ I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
☻ Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!
☻ I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
☻ 4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN
dogs obey wen u shout @ dem
dogs dont shop
u can giv away ur dogs children
any guy can get a good lookin dog!
dogs obey wen u shout @ dem
dogs dont shop
u can giv away ur dogs children
any guy can get a good lookin dog!
Funny SMS
Sunday, January 09, 2011
☻ We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!
☻ If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.☻ When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
☻ Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
☻ Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
☻ Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
☻ I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
☻ Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
☻ Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
☻ First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
☻ Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
☻ Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!
☻ Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.
☻ Bad sex is better then a good day in school.
☻ Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
☻ Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…
☻ Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......
☻ My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...
☻ Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?
☻ I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
☻ Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…
☻ If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…
☻ Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!
☻ Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............
☻ Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
☻ It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
☻ News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
☻ God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
☻ The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
☻ CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
☻ Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
☻ This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
☻ Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
☻ I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
☻ ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
☻ Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
☻ Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
☻ Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
☻ Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
☻ I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
☻ There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
☻ What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
☻ What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
☻ I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
☻ A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
☻ Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
☻ What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
☻ Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
☻ Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
☻ What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
☻ The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
☻ Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
☻ WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
☻ What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
☻ Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
☻ Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
☻ What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
☻ What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors
☻ Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
☻ Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
☻ Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
☻ I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
☻ I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
☻ How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
☻ For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.
☻ What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
☻ Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
☻ Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
☻ Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
☻ What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
☻ What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
☻ How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
☻ Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A:We don't know. Never happens.
☻ Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
☻ Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An f****ing know it all.
☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
☻ If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
☻ I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
☻ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
☻ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.
☻ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
☻ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
☻ My Reality Check bounced.
☻ Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
☻ Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.
☻ Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!
☻ Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
☻ Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?
☻ There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
☻ Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back
☻ As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing
☻ Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
☻ What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.
☻ What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant
☻ Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
☻ A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
☻ Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1
☻ What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.
☻ What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
☻ A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
☻ Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
☻ How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.
☻ Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
☻ If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?
☻ Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
☻ If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
☻ Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.
☻ I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
☻ I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.
☻ Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.
☻ A woman walked into a fancy cocktail bar and asked the barman for a "double entendre" - so he gave her one!
☻ Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
☻ A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
☻ A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
☻ A dyslexic man walks into a bra
☻ A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
☻ A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
☻ Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
☻ I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
☻ Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
☻ News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
☻ God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
☻ The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
☻ CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
☻ Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
☻ This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
☻ Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
☻ I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
☻ ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
☻ Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
☻ Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
☻ Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
A:About 45 pounds!!
☻ Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
☻ I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
☻ There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
☻ What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
How do you breathe through that thing?
☻ What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
☻ I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
☻ A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
☻ Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
☻ What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
☻ Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
☻ Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
☻ What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
Magnets have a positive side!
☻ The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
☻ Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
☻ WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
☻ What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
☻ Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
☻ What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!
Their personalities!
☻ Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
He was looking for Pooh!
☻ What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
You don't, you've told her twice already!
☻ What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors
One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors
☻ Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
☻ Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
☻ Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
☻ I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
☻ What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.
☻ I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
☻ How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
☻ For sale : Air Bags, Used once.
☻ What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
☻ What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
☻ Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
☻ What's pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
☻ What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
☻ How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
☻ Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A:We don't know. Never happens.
☻ Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
☻ Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An fucking know it all.
☻ A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
☻ Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night? ☻ If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
☻ Q: How did the Pollack burn his face?
A:Bobbing for french fries.
☻ Q: What's difference between Yogurt and Australia?
A: One has a real live culture.
☻ Q: What's diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag?
A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.
A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Fanny.
Fanny who?
Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and let me in!
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.
Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?
Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive across the road.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mummy.
Mummy who?
Mummeasles are better so can I come in?
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam key broke in the lock.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I called by?
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister.
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
York.
York who?
York coming over to my place tonight?
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken? I had to knock.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma's gone?
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked - that's why I knocked.
Who's there?
Fanny.
Fanny who?
Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and let me in!
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.
Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?
Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive across the road.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mummy.
Mummy who?
Mummeasles are better so can I come in?
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam key broke in the lock.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I called by?
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister.
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
York.
York who?
York coming over to my place tonight?
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken? I had to knock.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma's gone?
☻ Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked - that's why I knocked.
☻ friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx
☻ (_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!
☻ He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppy disk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!
☻ Today its cool to have small cars and small computers. Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!
☻ Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!
☻ T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network..
